It's January 2024 and I decide to take my first real chunk of time off using PTO to make a trip out to Panama for 6 days. With only 6 days, this meant I had to travel fast, and couldn't waste a single day I had to explore the country, especially with this being my first solo trip. On the third night, I arrived in the Chame District, a region with beautiful landscapes, beaches, and a big kitesurfing community. I arrived at a hostel, and headed to the beach to inquire with the locals about a local hike I heard about to the top of the Chame Plateau for sunset. However, I unfortunately learned that the groups which went to do the sunrise hike only went two days of the week, and I wouldn't be here for it. In this moment I thought: Well, I can either change my plan completely, or just figure out the route and go by myself. If you have read any of my other blog posts, you probably already know what option I took.
As I'm sitting at the bar figuring out how to even get the mountain in the first place, I met a guy named Jo, who also was heading out the next day to go to Panama City to get his driver card updated. What I didn't know, was that his driver card had expired, and to pass the security gate he needed someone driving who had an updated ID. After hearing this, my eyes lit up, and I explained my situation to him. After getting to know each other a bit more, we made a deal: At 3:30 AM we would wake up, pack our things, and I would drive him across the security checkpoint. In return, once past we would switch positions in the vehicle, and he would take me to the base of the trail.
Fast forward to 3:30 AM, Jo and I have woken up and headed off to the security checkpoint. We crossed flawlessly, the tired security guard taking only a slight look at my American passport before sending us on our way. Eventually, Jo stops and tells me we are at the base of the trail, which I laugh at as all I see in front of me is a black void. Adding insult to injury, my phone is only on 50% battery, and is also what I am using for a flashlight. I get out of the truck, thank Jo, and start booking it up the trail. Now for those who have never hiked in the dark, the task itself is already daunting, and having no knowledge of potential wildlife in the area didn't help either. As I hiked up, sweat streamed out of every pore in my body as I traversed through a very humid and rugged climate. About an hour in, my flashlight glanced upon several pairs of eyes, big enough to be human and I swear in that moment I almost fell all the way back down the mountain. However after further examination I realized they were cows, silently grazing on a small farm that lay on the mountain. I took a minute to let my heart fall back to a normal pace, and continued through the dark.
Fast forward to 6 AM, and the sky is beginning to go from black to blue, and I am lost (shocking right). My phone is dying and I only have one water bottle left. I decide that the quickest way to the top is to follow a nearby fence line, forcing my way through the brush and weeds until finally, a snippet of sunlight begins to appear from the brush. I climb to a flat spot on the summit, and sit down, taking a minute to examine the hundreds of small cuts I now have all over my legs. In front of me is a scene I will never forget. The golden orange of the sun peaks from behind a luscious mountain range, with the sea and city sitting right behind it. Better yet, I was the only one there. I stared out into the distance, and staring back at me was what seemed like the whole world. In this moment, alone in nature I thought, "If I could figure out how to do this by myself, what couldn't I?" I had finally experienced what my mind had confirmed many years ago, the idea that it is only our fears which hold us back, and our capabilities are mostly limited by inhibition, not environment.
I believe there is only one stronger emotion than love, and that is fear. It twists, manipulates, and controls our actions, and often prevents us from experiences which may be life altering or simply just beneficial to our lives. Furthermore, when alone our fears are exaggerated, and it becomes even harder to push past the initial uncertainty of the decisions we make. In the recent movie Dune there is a quote: "Fear is the mind Killer", and that it is. Surround yourself in your fear, embrace it, and you will find yourself permanently removed from the confines of what holds you back sooner than you think. Since this experience, I have done several solo hikes, each with their own story, difficulties, and memories and I am thankful for them all. I hope to continue solo traveling through nature in my life, and I will never take for granted the opportunity to experience the world in complete solitude, left with the view of the planet which will be here long after me, and my thoughts which survive only the moment.